


Miles To Go

by goatdad



Category: The Walking Dead (Video Games)
Genre: Future Fic, post - no going back
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-05
Updated: 2014-12-15
Packaged: 2018-02-16 05:19:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2257275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goatdad/pseuds/goatdad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after No Going Back's [Leave With Kenny] ending, the three of them try to survive the harsh life they've stuck to while keeping what's left of their family in tact.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

An unforgiving sky poured mounds of snow and ice against their bodies creating this seething chill that coiled and buried itself deep into their bones. Tiny hands tried desperately to keep it out, but, they were too stiff from the cold that just moving them made tears well up in her eyes. The ground, draped in snow, made way for loose footing, and, with every step, she created even more ammunition- icy shards blown into her face. Clementine pressed the infant in her arms even tighter to her chest and closed her eyes to try to avoid being hit, but, it struck her out of spite and burned, furiously.

A large arm hooked her from behind, to keep her from being blown away by the storm. The ice made her eyes water and, any attempt to make out his face, resulted in cold tears streaking down her cheeks. "You thinkin' 'bout going back yet?" He shouted over the wailing current, holding her even tighter to his body as if to create some kind of a force against the weather. 

Wiping the water from her face with her sleeve, Clementine shot him a look she knew he couldn't see. One that told him he was being an ass again. Not that she minded. Kenny was just generally stuck only on that setting. But, she could feel her disposition soften as her eyes started to focus on how loosely his sleeves hung from his wrists which became more apparent as his grip tightened around her arm. She specifically remembered that they weren't like that, before. When she found him back at the ski lodge, he had been plump and healthy. Now, he looked as if he could crumble at any minuet under the force of the wind. But, his body was warm and safe and it got the job done. He was always stuck on that setting, too. 

"Not yet." She shouted back. She could feel him make some sort of motion in laughter, like a snort or maybe a sigh, only for it to be cut short by his feet almost giving way to the snow. 

"Hey, you wanna maybe find some cover back there?" He barked while trying to regain his footing.

The area around them seemed desolate even though she had a pretty good guess this used to be a highway only a few years back. Everything around them seemed to have bent or buckled from disuse and harsh conditions and all she could really find was a small grouping of trees. And that, she feared, wasn't going to be enough. 

"There!" Tugging on his arm, she acted as a tether towards their destination while he made sure to keep the weather off of them like a kind of a shield. Before they could even reach it, she felt her feet slip down at a horrible angle, making her entire body jerk back as her head rushed with a sense of falling. It was a ditch. A shoddy hole in the dirt.  
A haven. 

"Hey, you alright!?" He asked, voicing his concern, as he pulled his arm and, by extension, them, closer. 

A look of thoughtful determination spread over her face as she nodded towards the very idea that had sprung to life in the back of her mind. "Cover me." She ordered as she planted her feet, firmly, into the ice for balance down the slope. Holding A.J. softly to her chest for some sense of reassurance, feeling his tiny heartbeat move against hers, she pecked her feet; one after the other, into the snow. As she lowered herself down the slope and out of the storm's reach, she could feel every single panicked thought melt with the resounding calmness of the infant in her arms. 

Joining them under cover, Kenny crouched at her side; a soft, tender, glow in his eyes. Well- eye. "Couldn't find anywhere else to go?" He was joking, of course, watching the both of them as if he was taking stock to make sure they were still all there. "Guess we're stuck here for the night."

Clementine didn't even really look over at him, she just smiled down at little Alvin with a soft, "Guess we are." It was tough for them, out here, but, they made it work. There were enough supplies and food from Wellington that had lasted them this far. The only problem was the cold. Every night, the temperature dropped farther than anything she'd ever experienced, before, and it was scary. It was scary and there was no escaping it. But what shook her down to her very soul with fear was how effective the cold was. They hadn't come across another living person in so long and, even though it seems like a blessing, it just made them more stressed about what they couldn't see. Hell, they haven't even bumped into a walker in the past three days. This was all such a contrast to the old way of things that, even the safety that they were experiencing, now, seemed like it was some kind of a ruse. Like the longer they go without something happening, that, by the time they do come across something, it would be worse than anything they've ever seen before.  
But, there was something A.J. that was so kind, so peaceful, that she felt almost like nothing in the world was wrong. Then she looked up and there was Kenny, bent over, digging into the snow with his bare hands- cursing at the sting it created- just to give them a place to stay in the midst of a blaring storm. It had almost a similar effect. Only smaller. More subtle. 

"You're doing it wrong." She chimed in with a tone that she knew would annoy him just a little. Enough to make him listen, anyway. Passing A.J. over to him, she sat back and started peddling her feet, as if she was riding a bicycle, pummeling them into the snow. It looked quite silly. But, it got the job done.

Not that Kenny even seemed to notice how ridiculous she looked, too caught up in the genius of it all with a soft, "Heh, son of a bitch." He planted a seat next to her and did the same- his kicks proving to be much more productive to their cause.

Although, she had to admit, a kid like her doing this is one thing. But a grown man doing it is just hilarious. She couldn't even manage to get a few giggles in before he started scooting forward on his bottom to cover more land. It was reminiscent of something she saw someone's pet dog do on the carpet once. 

Craning his head around, Kenny gave her a look, "Well what the hell are you laughin' about?" He looked almost offended. Which just made her snickering burst into full-out snorting.

Pressing a hand over her mouth, she tried to suppress it. "I'm sorry it's just-" but the sudden jolt of pain in her shoulder stopped her short and she immediately retreated her arm to her chest.  
It hurt.

Her tiny gasp only brought with it the most eerily dead silence she's ever experienced in her life- silence that made the pain shooting down her arm more unbearable with each passing second.

A sigh passed through Kenny's body as if someone had let the air out of him. And it showed. "Hey now..." He stood up, immediately afterwards, wiping snow off of his ass with a free hand, "You popped it open again, didn't you?" His voice sounded, not disappointed or angry, just tired. So very tired.

"I don't think I did." She protested, not wanting to ruin their nice little moment. But he was already squatting at her side, hovering the baby close to her arms to take. She hesitated, wondering whether or not she should take him. But, deep down, Clementine knew that Kenny would have none of this 'I'm fine' facade and, in defeat from his expecting gesture, took A.J. into her lap.  
She flinched a bit, from a sudden jolt of pain, when Kenny peeled back her coat and, again, when he pressed his hand to her shoulder. It was sturdy but cold. Hell, everything was cold.

Kenny's face seemed to stretch even further into a frown as he started to tap two fingers around the wound, "You broke skin." 

She didn't want him to worry. She didn't feel right letting him worry. "Well, you popped your stitches just so you could try to kill a weasel with a rock." She brought up in an attempt to steer the conversation in a completely different direction. "And, you didn't even hit him."

"Yeah, but, that's not you." He shrugged it off so easily, she had forgotten that he had so much difficulty with taking care of himself as opposed to taking care of her and A.J. "You know, if you had stayed up in Wellington, this all be'd cleared up by now." She was starting to fear how many times he would bring this up. "Wouldn't be stuck out here in the middle of fuckin' God knows where..." There's been plenty of occasions where Kenny made it more than apparent that she could just say the word and he'd take them back to Wellington in a heartbeat. She didn't even consider it.

His face wrenched in discomfort and maybe a bit of fear as he laid his palm over her wound, "It's gonna hurt a little, okay?" 

Which was a warning too late, because, before she could even brace herself he was pressing his palm against it to apply pressure. It wasn't too terrible. Moreso like a kind of thrumming pain that she could get used to. Like the many she's already gotten used to. Still, it didn't keep her from groaning from how much it hurt.  
Why does he have to have such a death-grip?

After a few moments, he let go, and looked at the little smears on his hand. "There, it should be all clotted up by now." To be honest, he seemed more hurt by this than she felt. And that feat seemed almost incredible. 

"Thanks." Clementine tried to work a smile back at him as she tried to get her coat sleeve back on, trying hardest to not agitate her wound again. "You're gonna be good for a few scraped knees, huh?" She aimed her sight down towards the infant in her lap, sleeping the storm away.

"No, I won't." He snorted, bitterly, going back to pedaling the snow, again.  
This time, it wasn't funny anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

She remembered a place encompassed in warm, humid weather. Where the streets were lined with houses and soft streetlamps that she would gaze upon from the backseat of her parent's car. A house lined with wooden floors that allowed her to zip across if she wore her socks on the right day. And the people inside, who were smiling and laughing and arguing and living all together as one in every way possible.  
She remembered her parents and their warm smiles. She remembered correcting her mom on things she disagreed with and pouting when they both agreed to meet each other half-way. She remembered how her dad watched her standing there, afraid of being alone while they were off on vacation, and putting his hat on her head to make her smile, again.  
But, most of all, she remembered never having to feel alone. Not even once. Her parents made sure of that.  


\------------------------------------------------------------------

A soft, gentle, cry broke through these kind dreams as Clementine felt herself fumble in a daze as to where she was, taking note of the snow, trees, and the numb feeling in her toes.  
She hadn't even realized she had gone to sleep in the first place.

Alvin started to break out into a full scream in her arms and she managed to unwrap him just enough to let his arms loose. She was afraid to let the cold in, but, figured he had already been exposed to enough that a little freedom wouldn't hurt. Her coat was unzipped and he was cupped inside, carefully, to her stomach, like a tent small enough for something as tiny as he is. But, it didn't seem to do anything to calm him down and his screams grew louder, more uncontrollable, the more she tried to soothe them.

It seemed to work as an alarm for Kenny as he broke silence with a sudden, "God, what time is it?" His voice was weak and tired and he seemed all but asleep on his feet as he looked over to them from his place up against a small rock he had managed to prop himself up against. Had he been awake this whole time?  
Rolling over he, started to rifle through one of their bags- his eyes seemed glossed over and dull, but, alert as to what he was looking for. There was a small pause in his movement, as if something had struck him out of nowhere- causing him to jolt fully awake, the glossiness dissipating almost immediately. "Shit." His voice held some kind of message that read itself loud and clear to Clementine's ears. "We're almost out." He dug out only about three packages of this gross powdered food solution that she wished they could've just thrown away on their way here. Not that they were in any position to be throwing out food.

She could feel a sense of dread in her stomach as he put one of the packages back in the bag, finding his actions easy to read. "Aren't you going to have any?" A question she already knew the answer to.

"Now, don't you worry about me." He scooped up snow in a small jar and wrapped it up in his coat to help it melt. As soon as it was reduced to a kind of slosh, he flicked on his lighter right up against the base of the jar, trying to work against nature in an attempt to make the water at least somewhat warm.  
It was a process- one he went through at least three times a day- absolutely and without fail.

Of course, it was the sight of him sloshing around that brown powder in the jar that made her stomach churn. He never mixed it right, always leaving big lumps and the supplement tasted like it had expired years ago when he swears up and down that it could be his age and still be ready to eat. Not that it didn't keep her from feeling like she was swallowing chunky mud in the end. And, frankly, it was just gross.  
She was almost glad this was her last encounter with this awful concoction.

Looking proud of himself for this horrid thing he's about to make the both of them eat he glanced from Clementine's morbid expression to A.J. who was still crying in her arms, "You remember how to feed 'im, right?"

"...Yeah." She didn't even feel like shushing the infant at this point. He had a perfectly good reason to cry. When Kenny handed her the jar, she almost felt guilty for having to do this.  
Feeding him this way was a little more difficult because she knew the consequences of screwing something like this up. Tilting the jar just enough for there to be a small trickle of the brown fluid against Alvin's lips, he managed to settle himself enough to start suckling. And, boy, he loved it. She wasn't sure why, though. It smelled terrible and she constantly had to find herself digging little chunks out with her finger, but, he didn't really seem to mind. Guess you acquire a taste for it when it's something you've eaten most of your life.

She didn't have to look up to know Kenny was already starting on her jar and she wanted to at least show some kind of courtesy for his help. "Christa said I should learn to take care of myself." The statement alone drew a dark cloud over her vision as it settled like dust in the air: coarse and dry. "So...I should be fixing my own food, right?"

There was an apparent pause in his movement, as if he was mulling over some way to say what's coming to his head. The only thing is that he stayed this way even as Alvin was finishing up his jar of mush, she couldn't even find herself to place where he was by sound. It was just the soft silence of the night on fresh snow.

Turning around, she saw he was just standing but a few feet away, her eyes focusing on how his glazed over expression looked like general exhaustion had taken root long ago. It seemed apparent in every part of him. The dark circles under his eyes that seemed to drag on under his wrinkles. The tiny bits of frost that settled in his beard that he hadn't even managed to shake out. Even the large black stain in his shirt- one he hadn't even bothered to change for weeks. Not that she really had anything to say in this, either.

"You haven't been sleeping, have you?" She didn't even know why she was asking him this. He never slept. Not more than two or maybe three hours, if it was a lucky day. And, when he did, he was restless and uneven and always woke up worse off than before.

Pouring the powder into the jar as if he was ignoring what had just happened, he just shrugged, "It's that bad huh?"

"A little." That was an understatement.

His face brightened a bit at her remark. "Didn't have enough time to put on my face, this morning."

She didn't quite get that joke, but, she didn't really mind. He seemed amused enough for the both of them, anyway. "You really shouldn't do that to yourself, you know." The last thing she wanted to do was preach. But she wanted to at least give him the decency of knowing that she was concerned.

"I don't really have a choice, hon."

Her fingers ran over the seams of A.J.'s little blanket as she started "My mom used to always tell me stories when I couldn't sleep." Now that she thought about it, she couldn't remember a single one. This pained her more than words could imagine.  
She had all but forgotten about her dinner-if you use the term loosely- until Kenny aimed the jar directly in her face.

"Sorry uh...I'm not really good at those..." He looked almost apologetic.

She chugged the chunky liquid as hard as she could but could only get about halfway through before wanting to gag. "I think..." She pressed her hand over her mouth for a moment, hoping that she wouldn't end up puking all over little Alvin who was unsuspectingly napping in her lap, below, "...I think I'm done."

He found some kind of amusement in her plight and had a small smile on his face to prove it, "Alright, alright, I know. It's not a five star dinner, but, it can't be that bad." He took the jar from her and, after sniffing it for a second, downed it in one, hard, swallow. "See?" His voice was shaking as if he was going to double over any second. "Not-" A thick swallow kept him from finishing for a moment- "Not that bad."

"Not that bad, huh?" She reached behind her head and started to thread her fingers through her hair, looping them through her pigtails and pulling each of her hairbands out to keep them from yanking out any hair with it. It had been a long time since she had let her hair down like this and she wasn't planning on making a habit of it. Thick black curls tickled the back of her neck as she removed her cap, holding it in her hands like the precious thing it was. "My mom would also play with my hair." She looked up to meet a curious eye, "To help me sleep."

Being the spoilsport he was, Kenny met her offer with, "Now, I'm no good at playin' hairdresser, either." As if just the act of asking him to do this was some kind of offense.

"I'm not the one who needs help going to sleep." Readjusting the hat back on her head, she stared down at the pink little hairbands in her hand. She wondered what Kenny would think if he knew these belonged to Lilly at some point. Not that she was going to let him find that out, but, it was a question that generally presented itself.

He outstretched his arms to take little A.J. into his care with an expression that was gentle and warm and all things that this child seemed to bring out in the both of them and he automatically looked more alive than he had in a long time. With a tug on his hat, pulling it into his lap, he gave a curt nod to her, "Now don't make me look too pretty."

His hair was thick and greasy and Clementine had to practically wipe her hands off in the snow every time she put her fingers in it. It had a foul smell, too. Something that she couldn't quite place her finger on, but, made her want to keep a safe enough distance from it. He didn't seem to notice(thankfully), too caught up in A.J.'s tiny hands wrapped around his index finger.

"Sorry you couldn't get a better meal tonight." He looked over his shoulder as she was busy trying to wrap a hair band around whatever clot of hair she could manage to gather together. "I know it's hard, but, we'll find something in the morning, okay? I won't let you go hungry." With the way he said it, it sounded almost like a promise.

"I know you won't." She understood, finding her stomach sink with this agreement. It wasn't that she thought it as impossible, but, she was afraid of what might happen when he couldn't keep it. But at least she had something to keep her mind busy from thinking about it.  
Her tiny fingers failed at attempting to braid the mess in her hands and she eventually just pulled the loose ends apart and tried doing something more simple.

"You know, Sarita was great at this sorta thing." He didn't look up this time, his eyes focused on the small infant cooing in his lap. "She took one look at my hair one day and told me that I had no business looking like a hillbilly so she took a knife and just started sawing parts of it off."

This was the first time he's talked about Sarita without sounding apologetic or angry. At least, ever since...

"Did a damn fine job, too." Gesturing up at his beard, he showed appreciation for her work as if it was a fine piece of art to be displayed. "Said I looked like a gentleman. But I know that ain't true." He paused for a moment, "If anything, I look like that unibomber."

"What's that?" She asked while attempting to bundle his hair into a low fitting ponytail. Anything more and it would fall out the second he moved his head.

He immediately backed out of answering her question with a solid, "Erh- nothin' you need to worry about, sweetie." As if he had just gotten caught saying something bad.

Stopping to admire her handiwork, she couldn't help but to feel some kind of success in the fact that she could actually manage to contain this mess in some kind of way. Although one wiff of her hands and she immediately regretted trying in the first place.

Kenny, on the other hand, seemed much more enthusiastic about it. "Not bad." He noted, patting along his hairline with a sense of confidence. Hoisting A.J. up in one arm, he plopped his hat back on his head in one swift movement. "So, how 'bout it, Alvie? Do I look as pretty as your sister, there?" After the obvious lack of an answer that was the baby's enthusiastic noise, he then yanked out the tie with a firm tug, taking quite a few strands of hair along with it. "Well, you kids have stayed up long enough." Presenting it back to her with a welcome smile.  
It was harder to notice, now, but, his face had a sense of tiredness etched in it. And, not like his usual tired, either. He genuinely looked as if he was ready to sleep for a few good hours.

She couldn't believe it, but, her methods had actually worked. Pulling her pigtails back up, she watched as Kenny shuffled his body up against his rock, again, for support. A position she remembered her dad sleeping in sometimes when he watched television too late at night.

Clutching the baby at his side, Kenny peeled open the side of his coat, offering a place big enough for Clementine to squeeze into. "Y'know if we huddle, we'll stay warmer."

There was something about this gesture that made her feel unsure, but, she wasn't going to say 'no' to a comfortable spot to sleep. "Yeah." She settled herself under the beaten cover of his coat and he pulled an arm around her to keep her supported. The gesture alone made her heart hurt, reminding her of one too many things that she didn't even want to think about. Like the way Christa and Omid had huddled with her after they found her, alone in that field, because they were too afraid of being separated from her, again. Or how Lee solemnly kept his arm around her while they rode in the RV. It even struck her from that one time her parents tried camping with her in the back yard and they all just ended up jammed together in the same sleeping bag.

Judging by his expression, Kenny was already getting distressed by it, too. He jolted his arm from her side as if he had been stung by something and left it to lay limply at her side.

Bringing her knees up under her chin, Clementine didn't seem to realize why she felt such a sense of fear and dread in her heart, but, she couldn't help it.

They had both done this too many times to know how it ends.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

The snow was crisp beneath their feet as they bummed down the highway. Since the storm had managed to settle itself, they were stuck with the aftermath: Ice-caked roads and softly lain snow.  
It gave a testament towards how truly alone they were as they had come across not a single track. Every inch of snow was fresh and unsoiled. A blank canvas unspoiled by even the outlines of small animal prints. Clementine felt almost guilty for tracking muddy feet across it's unsoiled surface.

Kenny had strapped both of their bags around his back, which made just how empty they were more apparent. But, it was easier to carry. His mood hadn't improved since last night and she knew it was only going to get worse the hungrier they got.

"Maybe we should go and look for something in the woods?" She suggested, breaking the frigid silent in between the both fo them.

"And what? Look for berries?" He remarked in a tone she didn't appreciate. "We're stayin' up here."

Now, one thing he didn't take into account was how utterly stubborn Clementine was capable of getting when she needed to be. Especially while someone was giving her lip. "Okay." She agreed as she trudged away from their set path to do just what he said- look for berries. With Alvin in her arms, she figured she could manage to get a few feet away from Kenny before he noticed they were both gone. And he did, cursing every step of the way.

Of course, between the two, there was still some kind of inability to converse. For some reason they both had something they wanted to say but they couldn't quite seem to get it out and they both knew it was inevitable that it would boil over the surface. But she chose to ignore it for both their sakes. And that was okay with her. Less talk, less distraction while looking for food.

Kenny grunted- probably in an attempt to catch her attention -but she kept walking. There was no time for what she knew he was going to say because she knew that, if he said it, she wouldn't know what to do.

"I'm sure there's berries around here somewhere- there's some that grow in winter, right?" She tried to avoid and side-step as much as she possibly could. It was easy. It had to be easy.

"Clem-" He tried, but, she wasn't going to hear it. She already knew what it was. She knew they were tired and hurt and hungry and there was no end in sight out here and if she had to hear it from anyone, but, especially Kenny, she didn't know what she would do.

She had already started walking faster, trying to head him off before he could say anything else, "Maybe if we spread out, it'll be easier."

He grunted again, but, this time it sounded much more serious. It was breathy and his voice seemed to rear a terrible noise from the back of his throat. She stopped short to see his frame bend from some kind of pain she couldn't see. "Clementine, I need a moment."

A wave of guilt rushed over her as she froze, watching him hobble over to a nearby rock, holding his stomach like he was expecting it to split open at any moment. "Are...are you okay?" This was her fault.

He sat down, letting out a noise that showed he was getting too old to keep moving like this.  
With two hands covering his face, he dragged them down his cheeks and across the bridge of his nose until they ended up in a position that looked like he was about to start praying. He stayed like this for a moment before knitting his fingers together, tightly, like he was nervous about speaking out. But he did it, anyway. "We're outta supplies, Clem."

"It's okay." She reassured him, "We can just find some more."

"No no, it's not okay." His voice seemed to grow a bit more frantic as his eye- bulging a little bit more than usual, flicked every which way it could find. "This place is like a fucking desert. There's nothing to eat. There's not another goddamn living soul out here and, unless you're ready to go back to Wellington, we're fucked."

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Why do you keep saying that?" A sense of drowning overcame her as doubt and worry pulled at her feet. She knew he was right. She knew this wasn't a fight she could win and the odds stacked against the both of them, but, there was no way she was going to give up. "I don't want to go to Wellington, okay?!" Her yelling didn't have as much weight as his and this angered her to no extent.

As he stood, once again, she noticed how his feet dug into the ground, pushing up dirt and ice like he was a force against it. His demeanor, large and intimidating, seemed only vain as the rest of his body looked as if it was ready to fall from misuse and crumble into a thousand pieces. "Look around us!! There's fuckin' nothing out here!!" His voice that boomed like some kind of curse from God, roaring in a way that made tears want to well up in her eyes, "Do you know what it's like to sit here and watch the both of you starve on the side of a goddamn road like fucking animals!?" His breathing quickened as she could see his disposition change, quickly, from anger to something she couldn't quite put her finger on. But she knew one thing for sure- he was absolutely terrified. "There's nothing out here for you, Clementine." Each word shook with uneasy weight- offput by dread and fear; "There's nothing I can give you. I don't- I don't have anything left to give. Hell, you're doing more between the two of us. I- I can't-."

She could feel her blood boil over and burn onto his words. She had heard enough about 'liabilities' and 'burdens' and now was her time to be angry. "No!!" Her tongue began clicking against her clenched teeth as she tried to hold in every other word she wanted to say. But it was of no use. "Everyone else is gone, Kenny." These words lashed out at him hurt her just as badly and the both of them knew it, "They're all gone and all that I have left is you. And now you wanna leave too!?"

He seemed so shaken up by just how much she was affected that he tried to comfort her with a soft, "No, darlin' it's not like that-"

"Th-Then what is it?" She could feel a knot working it's way up in her throat, she was going to cry. "Why do you wanna leave so bad?" She made the mistake of breathing in too hard and triggered a river of emotions that poured from her eyes. She felt so tiny and alone and she was sick of it. Trudging away from him to try to catch her breath, with hopes that he didn't notice that she already starting to cry, she felt her leg catch on something and didn't even care, kicking it in the midst of her outburst. It didn't uncatch from her pants so, in a fit of frustration, she kicked it again and again but she couldn't seem to get her leg free. She was so upset by the whole thing, she didn't even notice that Kenny had shouted her name at least three times by now. Probably out of worry, but, she knew she couldn't face him like this.  
Unscrunching her teary eyes, she stared down at what was very clearly a face. Dead eyes stared back up at her with an air of familiarity as she frantically shoved her foot against it to try to pull herself free. She couldn't seem to get loose and a sense of anticipation overcame her entire body as her heart started swarming up to her throat at how utterly and completely fucked she was. She waited for it to strike, waited for it to try to curl it's disgusting teeth around her ankle. But it didn't move. it didn't even seem to let off a grunt as she realized it didn't really even look animated at all. Was it frozen?

"The fuck are you doing!?" An arm wrenched her out of it's grasp with a rough pull and a large foot took her place, crushing in it's head with a loud and sickening crunch until every feature she had recognized a moment before, was gone, now. "You almost...Y-you could've..." He swallowed for a moment, bringing a hand up to his face, but, immediately cleared his throat a moment later.

Her eyes were focused on what was left of it's face, the caved in bone and mesh didn't even bother her- it was the fact that she knew it. She knew this person. She had seen them before and this brought up a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"Christa-" She breathed, as every single thought in her head clicked into place, her words were exhaled like the wind had just been knocked out of her.  
"....This was one of the men who hurt Christa...."


	3. Chapter 3

The air had become so stagnant, you could choke on it.

Clementine's realization had struck the both of them so hard that they couldn't move nor speak. Just stare at the corpse laying before them, it's head smashed in, crudely to keep it from moving. But even then, there was something foreboding about finding a familiar face these days. Especially if they weren't the kindest of people.

Clementine was the first to break the silence. "If he's here, Christa has to be nearby!!" She fluttered, moving her free arm out as if she was going to fall forward at any moment, her heart racing faster than she could keep up with. Dropping to a squat, her tiny fingers worked to roll the body over- showing that this was a procedure that she had gone over many times. She shoved her hands into every pocket she could find, out turning them in hopes of finding some kind of clue. A key to finding her again. But a hand wrenched her up by the arm to discourage it.

"What's gotten into you?" Kenny sighed. But he knew there was no way he could sway her and let go almost immediately to wrap a very needed arm around his stomach. "Look, there's no way we know she's still..." The look Clementine gave him made him swallow those words. He knew good and well not to even try to finish that sentence. "What'll happen if you can't find her, Clem? What then?" He chided, trying to go about this at another angle, "You can't just go chasin' shit without a plan."

She was only half listening to him at this point, but, enough to quip back, "You mean like you did with finding a boat?"

He was actually amused by that. "Heh, okay, you got me there." It was like this was all he needed to hear to sympathize with her. Like, because of this, there was some key understanding between the two.  
Squatting by her side quite vocally with a loud groan of pain either coming from his stomach or his back or both, he leaned forwards in an attempt to get at eye level with her. "So what're we lookin' for?"

To be honest, she had no idea what she was looking for. This didn't stop her from improvising. "We've gotta find out where he's been." It was the only thing that came to mind, but, she was sure it would work. It was going to work. "Sorta like how, when you lose something, you retrace your steps. If we find out where he's been, we'll find her."

"You think he lost her?" She couldn't see it, but, she was very sure he had a cocked eyebrow up underneath that eye patch.

With a smile on her face she, managed to match his expression, "Well...she's not here is she?" Pulling out the last pocket she could find, Clementine gave it a mournful look. A dead end. Wiping her palms together, she went over each upturned pocket, again as if, maybe, she had missed something but no stone-or, in this case, pocket- seemed to be left unturned. It felt like a punch to the gut. She had built up so much on finding Christa that, the second she had some sort of proof of where she could be, it just crumbled through her fingers. "He doesn't have anything on him." The words were so heavy, they nearly crushed her to pieces. "False alarm I guess..."

"Well, shit..." Scratching the back of his head he looked at her with a kind of pity she didn't want. But, he stopped, his face contorting into something she couldn't quite put her finger on. The gears in his head had just clicked into place. "Hey uh..." He turned a rather unsure smile to her, "This is gonna sound a little weird but...uh...check his shoes."

She took his request with a little offense. "I'm the one holding the baby." It really wasn't the first thing she wanted to hear come out of his mouth right now.

"Yeah, and I'm bleeding to death over here, now hand me A.J. and yank 'em off. We don't have all day." He was clearly over dramatizing his injury. After all, it was probably just a popped stitch or two.

She still didn't want to do it, but, she felt guilty enough to comply. It's not like she was in the mood to argue, anyway. She was hungry and tired and generally had no energy for it. Besides, her eyes still felt raw and dry from their last spat.  
Laying A.J. down in his arms, Clementine beamed Kenny a look that told him exactly how much she didn't want to do this.

"You'll be fine." He reassured her in that tone of his that she didn't quite take as comforting.

There was really no experience when it came to removing a dead person's shoes. They either slipped off, easy, or you had to wrestle them until something gave. She remembered Christa retrieving a pair of shoes for herself after gunning down a walker, but, they smelled too bad to wear, so they had to abandon them somewhere down the line. But, these, in particular, required a lot of effort since the cold caused the leather to hold tightly onto each foot. They were probably really uncomfortable to wear out here. This was evident when she grabbed him by the ankle and the heel of his shoe and realized that she could hardly even get it to even wriggle off. Taking a small breath she pulled with all of her strength until the skin gave way with a disgustingly slick noise. She didn't even want to look inside of it, seeing as the whole foot didn't quite make it out. Retching, she pointed it away from her face; her senses telling her to chuck it as far as possible.

Kenny moved as if he was going to go and help her but, quickly plopped back into place, finding it hard to get up. He seemed almost uncomfortable by the fact that he couldn't do anything; quickly becoming jumpy and irritable in his place. The best he could do was manage to offer some uplifting words like, "Hey don't go puking all over the place. Your stomach is empty enough." Which, not surprisingly, didn't do much to help.

"It's really gross!!" She barked at him, dropping the shoe in the snow so she could cover her mouth with both hands. It took her a while to regain the stomach for this sort of thing. But when she did, she managed it by taking the shoe and slamming it against the snow in a desperate attempt to empty it's contents. It took a bit of effort, but after banging a few times against the ground, things started to spill out. A small bundle of cash, a piece of paper that was folded into some weird shape, and an entire toenail with some of the cuticle still hanging off of it. She started considering whether this was just as bad as being empty handed.

Kenny snagged the money from the ground and started counting it. He was clearly impressed by the size and amount, but, quickly tossed it back into the snow with a small laugh after he was done adding it up. It wasn't like there was any use for it, now, anyway.

Clementine kept to herself, examining the tightly wound shape this piece of paper was in. She thought it was remarkable and wondered what it was supposed to be, recalling how people can sometimes fold them into flowers or animals or different cool things. Holding it between her index finger and thumb she lifted it up for Kenny to see, hoping he would know what it was.

He smiled a bit, like he had just recognized an old friend. "You know, I never thought I'd see one of those again." Upon noticing the sore confusion on Clementine's face, he then cleared his throat, "It's a football, Clem."

Okay, obviously he was joking with her. "What is it, really?" She stressed, shaking her hand as if she was scolding him for trying to mess with her.

"It's called a football." He then moved his fingers into some weird position, the tips of his thumbs pressed together while his index fingers pointed upwards to form half a square. "You flick it."

Unable to tell if he was still just carrying on a joke at this point, she started to unravel the piece of paper. It was difficult and she ended up tearing it and points, but, her thumb nail managed to get it somewhat loose enough to free the crumpled edges from their own hold.

"What's it say?" He asked as she smoothed it out on her pant leg.

Clementine skimmed over the only familiar words she could recognize and realized that she could read very little of what was on this page. "I dunno."

Sounding almost surprised, he let out a small breath, "What do you mean you don't know?"

Holding the paper out to him, figuring he could make heads or tails as to what it could be, she just shrugged, "I can't read this."

Taking it from her, he gave it one quick look before putting a hand up to his face as if he had just realized he had forgotten something he shouldn't have. He did. "Shit..." He stopped short and then pushed the piece of paper back into her view, "What words on here can you read?"

She refused to give him an answer, knowing that going along with this would only encourage him. "I read one of Sarah's books...kinda..." She proclaimed, not all too sure what she was trying to prove.

"Well I mean, it's not like you need to learn any of this now a days but...shit..." He looked at her with an expression that made her want to stand up and leave.

"Kenny, you're being an asshole."

He stopped. Quickly holding up a hand in defeat as if he was expecting her to smack him, "Sorry, sorry." Letting out a puff of air, he gave her a small smile, "Well you want a lesson or what?"

She didn't. "Not really." Not now, anyway.

He looked at her as if she wasn't serious. "C'mon."

"Okay." There was a small glint of defeat in her voice as she wiped her hands on her pants and moved to his side.

Bobbing his knee to keep A.J. comfortable, he faced the page towards Clementine, going over each line with an index finger. "Now, this is easy as hell, it's just a flyer. Probably no more than twenty words on here."

"Easy?" She retorted, finding something wrong with his calculation.

His nostrils flared for a second, "Look, you'll be fine." Going back to the lesson, he plainly stated, "Learning words is no big deal. All you gotta do is figure out what they mean and then you just kinda know 'em."

As Kenny boiled on over his lesson, Clementine decided to ask him something a bit more important. "Kenny, what does it say?"

"It's just a tourist ad." He said without really knowing where she was going with this.

Reaching out to snatch the paper from his hands, she held it up to her face as if the boldly printed words would somehow form a map for her. "That means that man was here." That strong feeling returned as her head rushed from one word to the next before it could even reach her mouth. "Christa could be here!"

The look on Kenny's face filled her with dread. It was unsure and doubtful and not something she wanted to see right now.

Moving the page forward as if she was trying to draw his attention to it, she tried to get his expression to change. Like when you shake a magic eight ball to get a different answer when you didn't get the one you wanted. "We have to find her."

It worked as well as she could expect with him snorted at her, "Well, look, you're not wormin' your way outta this one." He stood- grunting and holding his stomach in protest the entire time- until he was back on his feet, again. "The second we find Christa, I'm shoving all of this teacher stuff on her. She's a smart woman. She'll know how to teach you."

Clementine's eyebrows drew together just as she remembered he didn't really know as much about her as she did. "Christa's not really the teaching type..."

"Well I ain't either." Holding his hand down to her, she grabbed it and he hoisted her back up on her feet. "So I guess you're shit outta luck, here."

Finding it about as valuable as the money Kenny had tossed out not long ago, she didn't really find this to be any loss. She just didn't mind; replying to him with a small, "I guess so."

 

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Clementine's legs carried her through the night; stiff and aching from the weather. She held the flyer between her thumb and forefinger in a grasp so tight, was afraid that she would punch a hole through the page, but, she didn't want it to leave her sight. A.J. was sleeping away in her arms and had been for quite a while which just left her to the sound of crunching footsteps in the snow. It was nice.

"How're you holdin' up back there?" Kenny's voice sounded rusty and worn down. Like the night they had fled Howes Hardware.

She wondered for a moment if he had gotten sick. They had been walking for hours without stopping and she knew how weak he has been lately. It was worrying to say the least. "My arm's kinda falling asleep."

"You want me to hold 'im?"

"No, I'll be okay." She didn't really want to risk the baby catching whatever he had. Not that A.J. hasn't already been exposed to practically everything else. "What about you?"

He coughed so hard, it sounded painful with this raw noise reverberating deep in his throat. But, it had cleared up his voice a little bit. "Better." He replied, although, it certainly didn't sound like it. "Looks like this is the place." He stopped in front of a large faded sign adorned in pictures of various deer and fish. It was an old park for hunting and camping. The sort of place a family would go for a vacation.

Looking from the sign to the flyer, she could feel the cold washing out of her body. The words matched perfectly. "Christa has to be here." She held A.J. close to her body and started running, her feet could barely catch up with the ground as this newfound energy moved her legs faster than she could imagine right up until she was met with a impending obstacle.

It was a fence. Or what was left of one, anyway. Black iron locked into place with snow that had packed together for so long, the structure was already starting to slant inwards. It stretched out through the trees starting(or stopping) here and wrapped around a small cabin to keep people out. If this was a park, that was definitely the ranger's station.

Trailing up behind her, Kenny stared at the building and then huffed, letting the cloud his breath created in front of him settle back into the air. It was cold and it was only going to get colder the more the night drew on. "That's gotta be the place." He pressed his fingers into the iron gate until they turned a noticeably bright red. A sense of longing drew across his face and seemed to dwell deep in his soul. "Hey, do you think you can squeeze through these bars, here?" He was too caught up in his own thoughts to even notice that his fingertips were practically turning into cherries. Or that Clementine wasn't three inches wide.

Looking at just how small the gap was, she shook her head. "I...don't think I can." She knew she couldn't. "Why?" They could just head out into the main park, no fence jumping involved. There was probably nothing for them in an office like that, anyway.

Peeling his fingers from the metal, slowly, he made it very evident that there was a plan going on here just by expression alone. "Clem, people only put up fences if they've got somethin' to protect."

Looking from his sore fingers to his wide eyed expression, she didn't know which was more concerning. "Meaning...?"

He pressed a firm hand to her shoulder and bent down to look her straight in the eye. "Clem, think about it. We'll be out of the snow for a night. There might even be something in there for us." There was something about that glint in his eye that looked so hopeful, but, she knew much better than that.

"There could be people there." She wasn't sure if that would be a good or bad thing and honestly didn't want to take the chance of finding out.

Kenny seemed to match her thoughts, exactly. "I won't let anything happen to you, okay?" There was something about the way that he said this that felt unsure. Like he was trying to convince himself of this as well. "Just try to reach your arms through the gate and jimmy that lock over there."

The lock was frozen over and it didn't seem like it was going to budge any time soon. Still, she pulled until it wobbled loose in it's latches. Digging her fingers into the lock, she wriggled it a few times, waiting for something to happen. She was sure that it was ready to come loose when the entire fence started to heave forward. The loud metallic wail sent Clementine practically jumping out of her skin as she jolted away from the lock fast enough to watch the entire gate hit the ground with a loud 'clang'.

"Atta girl!" Kenny planted a hand on her back and smiled as if this was something she had meant to do and ushered her forward.

The station door was swollen in it's frame from the weather, but, Kenny managed to pop it open with his shoulder and a good push. "There, now. Not too bad right?" He coughed, peeling open the door and cracking a small light into the dark room. It was empty. No Christa. No people either. But, for something that's been abandoned for years, it held up in a dusty, but, good condition.

The room was small, but, filled to the brim with boxes of supplies, probably rations for campers who tried to rough it in the wild and ended up going hungry after just a few hours. "I can't believe it." She picked up a can of beans in her tiny hands and gave it a firm squeeze as if to see if it was actually there. "Look A.J." She brought the can down for the infant to see, "Real food." There was sweet corn and diced oranges and soup where the noodles were in the shapes of the alphabet. More than any of them could possibly eat.

"We'll be eatin' for weeks." Kenny chimed in with a smile on his face. It had been so long since they've had actual food that he was more than excited to grab as much as he could get his hands on. And, seeing by how much was accumulated here, that was a lot.

"Well, we can't take all of it." She pointed out, firmly. "What if other people come across this place like we did?"

Giving a snort, Kenny grabbed a small box and lowered it to the ground, rifling through cans of weenies and bread. "I'm done with helping other people." He opened his bag and started shoving the items into it quickly, almost desperately. "You two are my responsibility and I'm stickin' to that. Anyone else who comes along can go fuck themselves."

Finding no time to keep up with his logic, Clementine stood her ground. "That's not how it works, Kenny." She immediately started to put the cans she picked out back from where they came from. "Besides, we can't carry all of this."

"Then we'll take what we can carry." He seemed almost agitated, now. Shoving armfuls cans into his bag without a care. "Clem, hand me that box over-" He stopped, immediately locking up and throwing an arm over his stomach in pain. "Ah fuck..." His back arched until his forehead was pointing directly towards the floor. This was bad.

"Kenny?"

He swallowed harshly, his voice growing a bit more strained with every word. "No no, I'm fine, sweetheart. Just grab those cans over there."

Clementine could feel herself heave a sigh at either their condition or his stubbornness. She was exhausted. Grasping him by the arm, she slowly guided him to sit on the floor, making sure that she kept some of his weight balanced out so that he didn't just crash to the ground. "It's your stomach isn't it?"

Holding his arm up to stifle her, he breathed, "Please, Clem." Rubbing his fingers over his eyes as if he was trying to wipe away the dark circles that stained his skin, he pleaded, "I just- I just need a minuet."

"You're hurt." She tried to reason, but, he wouldn't have it.

He just held out his hands towards her, cupped, as if he was begging. "Just let me hold A.J."

She didn't want to just leave him like this, but, she understood. She understood that sometimes he would get like this. Where it just had to be himself and A.J. Where he'd get really quiet and hide away. It didn't usually last long and she doesn't quite get it, but, she understood that this is how it has to be from time to time.  
Softly moving Alvin into his arms, Clementine could automatically see his disposition change.

"Thank you, Clementine."

She looked at him, wondering how bad he was willing to let his condition get. If his cut got infected, there would be nothing they could do. They didn't get any antibiotics from Wellington and all of the rest were long gone by now. But, she hoped that he wouldn't let it get too bad.  
Trudging over to the boxes again, she started rifling through what looked good or interesting or just generally filling and started to gather them into their bag. She managed to fit as much as she could without it becoming unreasonably heavy and considered putting even more inside. Counting how many days this would sustain them for on her fingers, she figured two weeks. One and a half if they were too hungry. And they were always too hungry.

Picking up a small drum of powdered milk, she considered that this was pretty much the only thing in here that A.J. could eat. Rubbing her thumbs over the tin, a sinking feeling in her mind started to take form, recalling an image of Rebecca holding her stomach in fear and anticipation, whispering to Clementine about how she could possibly raise a child like this. It's been getting so hard and Clem knew she couldn't do it alone. She was grateful that Kenny was there with her to take some of the load off of her shoulders. Looking over at him bobbing the small child in his arms, she figured Rebecca would think they were doing a pretty good job.  
Shoving the tin inside her bag, she dragged it over to Kenny. Perching beside him on the floor to just have a moment to rest and breathe and listen to him hum something under his breath that sounded nice in a familiar way. This, coupled with how strangely warm the floorboards felt, made her consider nodding off for a bit. "You know..." Her back was pressed square against the wall to where she could feel her voice reverberate against it every time she spoke. "Rebecca would probably be real proud of us."

"I think she'd probably sock me one" He retorted, turning to her with a raised eyebrow, "Dragging her kid around in a snowstorm, wearing nothin' but a blanket."

She hadn't realized this before, but, it was true. He didn't have a single thing to wear besides an old rag they had been using as a makeshift diaper and the blanket he was swaddled in. "What do babies wear anyway?"

Kenny's forehead wrinkled as he tried to sort out what memory he had left of back when Duck was just a baby, "I dunno...tiny footy pajamas with drop bottoms, pants without zippers- that kinda stuff."

"I don't think we have any of those." She said with a yawn.

"No. No we don't." His face grew grim, for just a split second before it changed, completely, "Hey, did you find something for him to eat?"

Wiping her eyes with a tiny balled up fist, Clementine tried to knock the sleep from them. "Yeah, but, we're gonna need water for it."

"Well then, the sooner we get some, the better." He reasoned. Trying to get up, Kenny planted a hand against the wall behind him for balance. Struggling until Clem wrapped her hand around his arm and pulled him upright.

Feeling all of her worry rushing back at once, she could feel every part of her body jolt awake. "Are you going to be okay?"

He looked as if he was going to stagger, but, he didn't. Firmly planting his feet on the floor as if he was expecting it to move out from under him at any second. "I'll live."

"Okay, but, I'm holding A.J." She didn't want to run the risk of him falling over while holding the baby. He might be skin and bones, now, but, he's still heavy enough to have a bad fall.

Giving up the baby without another word, he gave off a warm smile as he planted the child in her arms.

It was never normally this easy to get him to hand over A.J. when he was feeling bad which probably meant he either knew exactly what she was thinking or his arms were too tired to keep carrying him right now. She was too tired to guess which one it could be.

He seemed to pick up on her thoughts, immediately; laughing, "I know better than to argue with you." Which was an obvious lie, but, she accepted the compliment, nonetheless, as he held the door open for her to slip through.

Their lively banter froze solid at the sight of a man looking at them with disgust and disdain; a revolver trembling in his left hand.

The snow that crunched beneath her feet started to pack together as Clementine stopped in place. Her arms tightening around A.J. as if she could keep him safe this way, somehow. The food, the warmth, the wooden floors of the ranger's station. It really was all too good to be true.

"Thought you could fuckin' rob me!?" The man's cheeks looked so hollow, just moving his face looked painful as he shouted at the top of his lungs.

"We weren't robbin' nobody." Kenny spat in a bitter tone as he strode up beside Clementine in a protective manner. She wasn't even sure if he had yet to realize what was actually going on.

"Yeah? Well what's in your bags then?" The man motioned his gun towards their things, still keeping the muzzle locked on the both of them.

"None of your goddamn business." Kenny sounded angry. Almost annoyed without any hint of fear or caution or any consideration. This settled a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach.

The man wasn't too pleased, either, bulging eyes darting from Kenny to Clementine and back as if he was trying to decode whether they were telling the truth or not. "Hand over the bags."

"Fuck you."

Just listening to Kenny made every ounce of Clementine's body swallow up in fear. This man was angry and desperate and he was only making things worse. "Just give him back his stuff." She pleaded.

"I bet this isn't even his shit." He pushed his body forward, making himself seem bigger, more threatening, as if he was trying to scare the man away by body language, alone. "Look at 'im. He's a fuckin' skeleton. Don't ya think he'd at least have a can of beans or two before running out around here?"

He was too caught up in trying to convince Clementine that he didn't even realize that the man had started limping over towards him, his haunches trembling with each step. "You wanna fuck with me?" He slapped his hand across the left side of Kenny's face, making sure to get a good aim towards his wounded eye as if it was to make up for how feeble his swing was.

Kenny grunted, baring gritted teeth as he turned directly in the man's face and spat.

He didn't even wipe it away. He just smiled, "You wanna fuck with me!?" His voice raised like a fist, ready to strike out in anger. "Get on the goddamn ground!!" Aiming his gun directly at Clementine, he barked the order again, this time with more composure.

Kenny immediately dropped to his knees as if he was actually in the mood to start taking orders at this point.

Not wanting to drop Alvin, Clementine had to take a bit longer to kneel down, but, the pressure from how the man poised himself at her made her nervous that she was going to slip up and that he'd end up shooting by accident.

With greedy eyes, the man blinked at the bag, his body jumping at the very thought of getting back his food made him a bit more docile, but, his trigger finger still trembled in rage. "Give the bag to the little girl." He directed.

But, there was no way Kenny was going to comply. "What? You wanna rob a bunch of kids?"

"Kenny stop!!" She begged, trying to find some kind of way to calm the situation, but, it was beyond calm and she could feel herself getting washed away in their words.

"You." Drawing his face just close enough to make good eye contact, the man showed the front row of his teeth with a harsh smile as if he was trying to mirror what Kenny had done, earlier. "I've had about enough of your goddamn mouth!!" He hooked his hand around the back of Kenny's neck and slammed his face against the ground with a force that sounded so painful, the noise, alone, made Clementine want to gag.

Pressing a foot into the back of his head the man started to slam it into his body until he ran out of energy. But, even then, he wasn't done. His gaze then fell upon Clementine, unwavering and unforgiving. It made her blood run cold.

Sweat began to bead itself down her back and she couldn't remember to breathe. She was waiting for when, not even if, the gun would go off. Her body was braced and tensed and ready but it never came. Instead, he just pointed the muzzle of his gun in her face, again, clever fingers curling over the trigger. It took every ounce of her strength to not make a single peep as she felt the cold barrel press against her cheek.

"Maybe if you take something of mine, I'll just take something of yours." He roared, grabbing her up by her shoulder, painfully, his bony fingers digging through her jacket.

Next to her, she could feel Kenny's presence like a dark cloud drawing over them. But he kept quiet. Contained. But she knew he was ready to burst and it brought a sense of dread and uncertainty to her heart.

Turning her to face Kenny, the man tapped the gun against her temple with a nudge, "Maybe you won't be so cocky without a kid or two."

Clementine knew very well that this man was lying. He was just trying to be scary. And it worked. She was scared. Scared that this would become another hold up turned gruesome all over again. It always happens this way. It always had happened this way.

"Finally decided to shut the fuck up?!" The man bellowed, his hands twitching way too close to squeezing the trigger.

There was a moment of silence. Of prayer that it would stop. That he would just leave and this could be all over with. Alvin made a small noise in her arms as he woke and she could feel the man behind her jolt from that alone.

And then Kenny leapt. His fingers dug into the man's clothes as if he was making some desperate attempt to climb him, but, he toppled under the weight and brought all of them down into the snow.

As soon as they hit the ice, Clementine could feel her head start to pound, her vision blurring as she tried to work her way out of the tangle of bodies she was caught up in.

An arm wrapped around her neck, squeezing out all of the air back into her lungs and ushering her close to a warm body. Just not the one she had hoped. "I'll fucking shoot her!!" Shouted a hoarse voice with every last shred of desperation that it could manage as the muzzle of a gun, trembling in fear and rage and everything you could imagine, pressed to her temple, again. She could feel her headache pound against the metal. Her vision, blurred and obstructed, fell on Kenny's face, contorting into something she had never seen before in her life.

His face was both scary and scared- making it very clear there was only one single thought going through his mind all at once. One of his hands wrapped around the barrel of the gun, yanking it up in any direction away from her causing the man to yelp and fire, his body jumping from reaction alone. But, he didn't stop there. His hand pressed the man's face into the snow, his teeth drawn, as he came down on him like a storm.  
The noise was like someone had broken something hard. Like when you bite into an apple but more distorted. More messy.

She couldn't see it, but, she could hear it so vividly that it made her stomach want to turn inside out. Clementine wrenched herself from the man's weak grasp and she bolted. Her hand reaching to claw her way through the snow, almost on all fours, cutting it on the ice. Her feet kicking the snow, wildly, to send it flying every which way. Everything was a mess and every blurry white smudge was starting to get harder and harder to focus on. But she managed to hit her feet against solid ground and that was all she needed.  
The first thing she thought of was to start running. And she did. Just a few feet was all she needed. Her entire body trembled from fear. Fear that told her to keep running. To hide and never be found again. But, she had to stop. She had to go back and know what she heard.

Digging her feet into the ground, she forced herself to look back upon the mess they had made. She saw Kenny sitting atop the man, spitting and sputtering, distastefully.  
Drawing closer, she saw Kenny trying to wipe blood from his face, a line of drool mixing with it trailing down his chin. Her eyes fell on the man whose throat, narrow from starvation, was torn open, blood rushing from the gaping wound as the rest of it laid next to him on the snow.  
"Is he dead?" She asked, her voice shaking so hard, she could hardly speak.

"Yeah..." His face had shades of disappointment and shame, "He's dead." Standing up, Kenny placed a foot square between the corpse's eyes and, with a calm demeanor, pushed down until it gave way.

 

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Clementine waited, quietly, next to a small stream, looking into the dark water that hadn't managed to freeze over. It was deep. Deep enough to where she could make out some form of her reflection through it. She hoped that maybe it would stop shaking for a few seconds, maybe getting the chance to be able to see her own face, but, Kenny kept shoveling his hands in it, deeming the task impossible.

The water was clearly freezing, but, he used it anyway, smearing a wet hand over the dried blood on his face to try to clean it off. He hadn't spoken a single word since they had left and she wasn't sure what she could do.

He held one of his hands out, examining it as if something was wrong before dipping it into the water. "I- uh- I scared you back there, didn't I?" He asked with a foggy tone in his voice. He still didn't even manage to make eye contact with her, staring at the water lapping up around his wrist.

"I know you were just protecting me" She knew he wouldn't believe her words but she had to tell him. "But you made things get really...scary."

His eyebrows curved toward the bridge of his nose, "I know I did, hon."

"It wasn't because you bit that guy." Honestly, she would be fine even if he ended up biting every stranger they came across. That wasn't the problem. "You say things and it makes people angry and...it makes things worse." Her hands knitted together as sweat started to slick her palms. She wasn't really sure how he would go about hearing this. Especially since she had never actually heard anyone tell him, before.

He didn't say anything, but, his expression made it more than apparent that he understood her. He obviously didn't like it, but, he wasn't going to stop her.

"I know it's hard because things happen and you want to protect me. But, you can't just start fights with people like that. It's dangerous and it's going to end up getting one of us hurt."

"It's already ended up gettin' one of us hurt." Kenny gestured at the wound on her cheek, something that had scabbed over so long ago that she had forgotten about it until he had brought it up.

Touching her cheek, she could feel that small pain in her gums resonating out against her fingers, as if on cue. "I think...I did this one, myself." A small smile formed on her face, unsure and weak. "But..." She trailed off, looking around him as if she could find some kind of clue as to what she could say to try to just let him understand but nothing came out.

"It's just that- when you're in danger like that, I can't just stand around. Not when my family needs me." He paused for a moment, lowering his voice as if he was trying to mumble something under his breath, "That fucker had what was comin' to him just for pointing a gun at you."

She wasn't sure if this put her more at ease or on edge. Maybe a little of both. "I wish we hadn't taken that man's things in the first place..." She then looked at how peaceful Alvin looked in her lap with a belly full of food, wondering if this was how Kenny felt. This pained guilt in her gut overlapped with a simple happiness that came with knowing that they were fed. "Or at least not have taken as much as we did..."

This didn't seem to help him in any case. "It's hard, you know?" There was something in his voice that seemed to crack and his composure matched this with every word. "I can't take care of you like I should. Hell, I had to get you to do half the work just to get here 'cause I couldn't even do it, myself." He looked uncomfortable, again. Like when she was gagging over that dead man's shoe and he couldn't get up to help her. "Y'know I used to be good at this kinda thing and now...I don't know..." He heaved a sigh, "Sometimes, it's too much."

She knew exactly what he meant.

Lifting his hand, red and puckered from the water, Clementine was able to see the bruised imprints left behind from when he had grabbed the gun. The top layer of skin on his palm was jarred loose in patches, some of it even looked ready to fall off. The rest of It was swollen and turning a dark mix of purple and red. It looked painful. "Lee should be here. Not me." He breathed, moving his fingers to see if he could do it painlessly. He couldn't.

A strong pain panned out in her chest, as if they both shared the same feeling all at once. Bad. Just generally bad. Like there was nothing that they could do to make themselves feel good again and it just wasn't going to get better. But she knew she had to put on a strong face. For the three of them.  
"You know...I bit a guy once." She looked to the side as her brain sorted through her thoughts for a moment, "Twice."

It was just that and his mood started to change, entirely. His expression went from bewildered to astonished to just generally amused all in one go. "Did you hit bone?"

"No, but, Luke probably thought I did." She could feel a small smile warm her face as she held out the meat of her thumb for display, "Right here."

"And the other one?"

Her eyebrows drew together, tightly, "Yeah..it was when Christa and I were being attacked..." Her words were paced, calmly, as if she was trying to recall a dream she had. "One of them ran after me. He tried to grab me." She then held up her thumb again; the same position, the same joint. "I managed to fight him off, but, I was separated from Christa."

Kenny looked as if he understood exactly what she was talking about. As if he had been there. It was comforting, but, she wasn't sure if it was just sympathy.  
Cupping his blistered hand over her thumb, he let her tiny fingers attempt to curl around his palm. "We'll find her, sweetheart."

There was something about this gesture that felt like a promise of some sort. "Yeah." They were going to find Christa no matter what. "We will." They had to.


	4. Chapter 4

This was honestly the first time she had actually seen him sleep. The thing was that he just wouldn't stop sleeping.

It was well past noon, now. The sun was starting to set, again, and Clementine was itching to get on the move. She didn't like staying here for this long. It just didn't feel right. Not with Christa still out there. But, she didn't want to wake him, either. He had spent too many nights failing again and again at any attempt to rest his mind and she didn't want to interrupt him, now. Not like he was getting any rest. His eye was bloodshot and his face was grim and pale. She had already fixed A.J. and herself two meals while he still hadn't eaten since yesterday. He just curled himself up in his coat like a cocoon and shut everything out. At this rate they were never going to find Christa.

"Kenny?" She pressed a hand to his forehead, wondering if he was just feeling ill. He still wouldn't let her treat his wounds, always passing them off as nothing to worry about while also complaining to her how he can hardly even move because of them.

An arm came up to sweep her hand away like a bothersome fly. His face grimaced and she could clearly see that, if he wasn't awake before, he was, now.

Her hand then slapped back down on his forehead, this time with more force so he couldn't move it so easily. "You've been out for a while."

His eye jarred open as soon as she spoke, staring her down with an air of something she didn't recognize. "Yeah."

Despite his condition, there was not a single hint of a fever or a sweat or anything that could be wrong it concerned her even more than before. "Just yeah?"

He didn't respond.

"It's noon. We've gotta go." Patting his head down, she tried to get him to budge.

He didn't.

"This park isn't even that big. If we start looking now, we'll find Christa by tomorrow." She didn't know why, but, she was just so sure that Christa was here and, if only they could just start looking, they'll be able to know she's safe.

But he wasn't going to budge. "Why do you even wanna find her so bad?" This sounded almost like an accusation, his voice growling in a way that made every word sound suspicious. Unforgiving. "I mean, c'mon you know people don't survive out there. Not by themselves."

Just hearing him speak hurt. "Kenny. Stop it." Her tone was strict and harsh but she was still too little to sound like it. Surely, not enough to match the cold sting in his voice.

"Don't act like I don't know what kind of shit you're trying to pull here." He sat up, a bloodshot eye looking even darker than when he went to bed last night. "You're just trying to look for a way out, aren't you? Gettin' away from the 'crazy man', right? Just like those fuckers back there..." His teeth gritted as if he was physically trying to hold the words in so they wouldn't come out. "If you wanted to leave so bad why didn't you just fuckin' stay at Wellington!?"

The words burned her back into a car seat, watching him raise his voice over cruel words being hissed at him in from a woman who knew just the right places to hit to make him fall apart. Those things. He didn't think they were true did he? "No I'm not!" She shouted.

"Bullshit!" His voice roared much louder than hers ever could.

She didn't want to hear any more. Grabbing Kenny by the hand, she tugged on it, softly, pleading with him, "C'mon, we should go."

He ripped his hand from her grasp and barked at her in the worst of ways. "Then go!!" The harshness of his features then started to chip away as he realized the look on Clementine's face was not one he ever wanted to see. But he didn't say anything else. Instead, he just rolled over as if he could just go back to sleep after this. As if this was just over and settled and done with.

There was something about the way he acted- worn down until there was barely anything else but anger- that reminded her of sitting on the cold floor of an old shed, watching a man tell her that he's long given up and how she should just go on without him. That she would be better off that way. She didn't like thinking about this, because, in the end, Nick's warning about how they were doomed- how there was nothing for them in the end but death- ended up being right. But, he was wrong about one thing. He didn't give up. And, despite what Jane had said, Kenny hasn't either. She looked over his huddled form and remembered how Nick hid himself among shelves of booze as if they would protect him from what was outside. Just like then, now, there was nothing she could do but wait.

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She awoke to tiny noises coming from a very hungry A.J. squirming in her arms. His tiny hands reaching up to hit against her coat. Almost, instinctively, she drew herself around him to try to calm him down, letting him squeeze her fingers in his palm. It was pitched black, now, and there was no way to tell how many hours had passed since she had last closed her eyes. They had lost an entire day.

"Mornin'." Kenny greeted her as she turned over to face him. His face was illuminated, poorly, from the lighter he was using to cook a can of beans. He looked washed out, almost dead, even against the yellow light. Like all of that sleep he had gotten might as well had been no sleep at all. He looked like crap.  
Nonetheless, he was smiling.

"Did you get some good sleep?" She knew she was terrible at small talk, but, wanted to know, at least, if he was okay.

"Nah." He shook his head, staring down at the can in his hand. "You?"

"Not really." She admitted, sitting down next to him with her knees drawn up close to her body to keep Alvin comfortable.

Tipping the can to her as some kind of offering- an unspoken apology- his smile grew expectant, "You hungry?"

Feeling the weight of all that's happened, she looked straight at him and realized that this was enough pussyfooting around, "You know what Jane said wasn't true, right?"

Her words were so blunt, they almost knocked him back a bit before he even started to register them, "I know."

"And I'm not leaving, okay?" She wanted to make sure that he understood. That there would be no more doubt in his mind. That she's planted herself here and no lies or strangers or Wellingtons will change that, now.  
Holding up A.J. for added emphasis, she gave him a firm stare, "We're not leaving."

Her words seemed to make the haze in his eye more apparent, transforming what was left of his smile into something dim and faint. "I know."

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Daytime had become less like daytime and more just like a slightly less dim version of night. The overcast was so thick that there was no chance they could even see the sky. It had been this way for so long, Clementine almost wondered if the sun had just given up on them.

She wouldn't be surprised.

They were just starting to cover ground in this park and it was getting colder by the hour. Doubt crawled into the cracks in her mind, telling her that she'll never find Christa in time. That she might not even be here and they were just wasting their time. That she would waste away and die in this weather before they could reach her and they were soon to follow. But she shook out the thoughts as soon as they came, knowing that they were only there to keep her from moving forward.

Alvin was enjoying his nap, safely tucked away in Kenny's arms, but, would occasionally make a small noise in his sleep as if he was dreaming. She then wondered if babies even really dreamed at all.

"Don't you ever get tired of carrying him?" She asked with a hint of innocent curiosity.

He looked at her with a wide eye, his expression almost baffled at the question, itself. "Hell no. It's the best damn feeling in the world."

If only she thought it to be so glamorous. "My arms get tired real easy when I have to do it."

"Well that's because you've got those little noodle arms on you." He remarked, bluntly. "Look, by the time you're my age, you're gonna be beggin' to hold a baby."

Touching a tree that they passed by for no reason other than that she could, Clementine started making a habit of it. Her fingertips tapping against every single one they managed to pass. Even going so far as to move a little out of the way to reach it. "I don't think I'll live that long." She admitted.

Kenny took offense to this, "Are you callin' me old?" He the paused, looking over her expression. He didn't seem to catch the gist of what she was saying at all. "Okay, yeah, I'm old. But, don't rub it in."

Clementine smiled a bit, sort of glad that he didn't get it. "And I don't have noodle arms." She pointed out, trying to lighten the mood a bit. The both of them needed it, after all.

"Sure you don't." The sarcasm in his voice was playful and it almost assured her that everything would be okay.

It was a kind of comfort she had longed for since last night. "I don't." She insisted, making her way to touch a tree that was just out of her reach.

Behind her, she could hear Kenny's footprints halt in place. A loud gasp escaping his lungs. By the time she managed to turn around, he was staring into the snow, shock spread across his features and leaving his mouth agape.

There were bodies upon bodies clustered together under ice and snow that held them together like cement on a brick wall. Like they had all huddled together before a storm hit and didn't make it through the night. "It...looks like a family..." Her heart broke at the thought.

"Doesn't look like they're getting up any time soon." Kenny observed as he nudged a corpse's head with the toe of his shoe. "Frozen solid. Wait, can walkers even freeze?"

Clementine's hand curled in a sort of instinct to touch one as she thought over it, "I don't know." She had never actually seen a walker die from anything other than having it's head crushed in, before. "My teacher once did an experiment where you freeze a bee."

"Why the fuck would you wanna freeze a bee?" He asked as he started prying a rather poor looking rifle from stiff fingers.

Giving him a distasteful look, she continued, "The bee doesn't move when it's frozen, but, if it gets warm, again, it's okay." Their faces were petrified; mouths and eyes stuck wide open. Like if you hit the pause button on a movie and left it that way. The thought, alone, scared her a little. "I wonder if it's like that." She pondered aloud.

"Well, then, we'll make sure they don't get toasty." Freeing the gun with a loud grunt, he stared, wryly, at the fingers still frozen to it's stock.

There was really nothing here that she wanted. They already had plenty and it wouldn't be right to take more than they needed. But, she found herself drawn in by them. Looking over their faces and thinking about how they had come so close to being just like them. How some of them had already become just like them. A shiver came up her spine and it wasn't from the weather, but, the dark sensation she felt from just looking at them.

Digging the broken rifle into the snow next to her, Kenny brought A.J. up closer to his chest, "We're not gonna end up like them, okay?" As if he had just read her mind.

"I know." She was lying, but, the last thing she wanted to do was worry him. Standing, she placed a hand on the gun, feeling the twisted metal and splinters across it's surface. She was sure it was used for much more than just shooting with. "I don't think it'll shoot anything."

"Yeah but it's better than being empty handed." When they left that man a few days ago- the one they had taken supplies from- Kenny didn't even bother himself to take his gun.

And Clementine didn't have the heart to do it.

"You're not runnin' around empty handed. Look around. Maybe they've got something." This sounded like an order to take up arms. Like he was preparing for something that he, himself, wasn't quite sure of. It was foreboding to say the least.

She didn't like the thought of either of them using a gun. They were loud and messy and reminded her of things she'd wish to forget. Every time one was drawn, it never ended well and she generally grew to dislike whatever chaos they brought. Although, using a gun for anything else but shooting felt like an exception and she was generally okay with his choice.  
What she wasn't okay with was having to tip toe over a pile of dead bodies.

She was sure they were safe, none of them had moved since they got here- which is more than she could say for every other corpse they came across. But it still wracked her nerves. The cracking of bodies under her feet felt disrespectful and the sounds of bones giving way were vile. But there was a nice looking club clenched in a dead fist that looked like it would work.  
Small fingers wrapped around the cold surface, squeezing it so tightly into her palm that she could feel her own pulse up against it. She pulled, the rest of it's body following in tow. A small sound bubbled from it's stiff form.  
She had recognized that long forgotten noise, anywhere.  
It lunged at her. Rotting teeth, loose in their sockets, snapped at her in such a depraved manner, once they caught on her coat, she knew she was done for. Her sleeve ripped with a sound that made her heart stop as stuffing flew in every direction. She wanted to scream, but, she knew better. She remembered what happened to Carlos in the hoard and froze, entirely, his screams still echoing in the back of her mind.

The butt of a rifle slammed down on it's head, violently, splattering blood across her and A.J and everything all at once.

Looking at her arm, she couldn't tell if this blood was the walker's or her own. If she was bitten, she didn't feel it, but, that could just be shock. Her mind buzzed with so many thoughts, she could feel her body tremble as if it was in overload. She hadn't even noticed Kenny looming over her with this blank expression, beyond readable in every way.

"Kenny?" She could feel her voice breaking already, desperate and in need.

He was silent. Bending down on one knee, he grabbed her hand, firmly, so that she couldn't move it out of his grasp; pulling it close. He then grabbed her sleeve and slid it up her arm, exposing her skin where the hole in her coat had been torn open.

There was no bite.

Even with knowing this, there was something deep inside Clementine that made her want to start crying right there. She didn't.

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Clementine's tiny body was almost completely enveloped in green fabric as she tried to struggle to keep Kenny's coat from slipping off. Having to balance a baby while doing this didn't really make things any easier. Especially since Kenny won't seem to let go of her only free hand.

His grasp was firm and protective but not harsh enough to crush her hand. The dried bloodstains on his white shirt were even more visible, now, that he wasn't wearing his coat anymore and she couldn't help herself but to wonder how much of it was his own.

"I don't think this coat's going to fit." She admitted as it started to slip off of her shoulder and down her arm like an old shawl.

Sighing, Kenny stopped to adjust it for her instead of taking it off in general. "Yeah, well if one of us is going to be cold it sure as hell ain't gonna be you." He told her in a tone that basically said 'suck it up'. "Good riddance for that old coat, anyway."

"I kindof liked it." Admittingly, she, found the gaudy pattern sort of cute in a way. She missed it, already.

Grabbing her hand again and anchoring her back to his side, he snorted. "Yeah, if you like shit from a fuckin' thief." The amount of bitterness in his voice stung a bit.

"Kenny." She scolded. Even if she knew what they did was wrong, she wasn't going to hold a grudge over them. Especially when she and Kenny had done much worse.

"I'm just sayin'." He gave her hand a small squeeze in reassurance that he was going to stop.

Peering over what looked like old campgrounds, tents and busted grills covering the ground and packed into place by snow, Clementine thought of food and shelter and realized she could have both in one place tonight. Tugging on his hand like some kind of pull chord on a bus, she got him to stop in place, "Maybe we should rest for the night." She gestured at the broken down camps as if they were a palace and a fully working burger place, more than too ready for a meal and a night's sleep.

He looked at her as if she was trying to play some sort of trick on him, butting it out with a strict "God fuckin' knows what's crawling around over there." And off he went, walking with her in tow as she repeatedly tugged on his arm, trying to get him to stop. "Clem, I'm not gonna risk it." He tried to reason.

"I'll be safe, I promise." She reassured him in a tone that said she really wanted to get off of her feet.

But this wasn't going to pass with him. "After what I said, earlier, I'm not risking it."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean.." He laughed uncomfortably at the thought, "Because of what I said, y'know it...it's why something bad had to happen."

There was something about his words that chilled her to the bone. "Do you..do you think this happened because of something you did?"

Feet stopped in their tracks as he brought himself to look her in the eye. "Clem..." His face gave way to show discomfort, like it was taking all of his strength to answer her, "When people do bad things, they get punished, don't they?"

With a heavy voice, she could feel each word make her stomach churn harder, "Is that why you keep getting hurt?"

He didn't even have to answer, placing a bandaged hand over the bloodstain in the front of his shirt where his stitches were still torn, "Look, it's not like I do it on purpose, but...yanno, if it happens then-"

"You think you're being punished?" Her eyes burned into him with such an unblinking stare that his image started to blur. Bewilderment and anxiety filled every corner of her body as she could feel herself start to shake. "Do you...do you still want to die?"

Everything about him was now passive. He had already exposed this part of himself to her and there was no use hiding it, at this point. "Yeah, Clem. Yeah I do."

Silence feel between the two of them as his words hung, cumbersome and heavy in the air. Clementine saw this happen before and she didn't know what to say to make it right. Her shaking got even worse the longer the silence went on and Kenny refusing to look at her anymore made it worse.  
"This...this is my fault." These words crept from her in such a tiny, fragile, manner that she almost couldn't be heard at all.

"C'mon Clem, this ain't your fault."

"No, you don't understand!" Her voice found strength in the fire burning in her gut. "I come across people and bad things happen to them." She remembered her parents. Their faces rotting and swollen from death. She remembered Omid trying to save her when she left her things unguarded, she remembered Christa holding her ground to protect her even with a gun pointed at her face, she remembered Sarita exposing her place in the hoard to stop oncoming walkers, she remembered watching Lee grow weaker and weaker as he tried to rescue her from harm. "It's my fault Christa's missing." She felt so small that, if it wasn't for his coat, she could be whisked away by the wind at any moment. "And....and it's my fault this is happening to you. If you hadn't found me, you would still be okay."

Putting his hands on her shoulders and giving them a good squeeze, Kenny knelt down in front of her, digging both his knees into the snow. "Clem, I'm gonna tell you something that I want you to remember." His face was heavy and dark as he gave her the kindest smile she had ever seen. "You were worth it."

She swallowed, harshly, trying not to cry but it was too hard and she started to weep.

He wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb and looked as if he was about to start crying, himself. "Listen, now, I've been this way for a long time, okay? You're not making it any worse. Shit, Clem, you saved me." A smile formed across his face, weak and uncertain. "So even with all that shit that happened- everything we went through- you were worth it. Alright?"

Wiping snot on her large sleeve, she couldn't help herself but to smile back. But she was still crying, nonetheless, so she was wailing and smiling at the same time which just made Kenny even more concerned.

His arms were strong and nearly knocked the wind out of her when they wrapped around her waist, squeezing her tight. Bringing up a hand to her back, he gave a few firm pats to comfort her while she let out a sob so loud, it made her entire body jump.

Managing to swallow a few times, Clementine tried to regain her composure. Perching a small hand on top of Kenny's hat to anchor him in.  
"I-is it okay if I can be alone for a little bit?"

Pulling away just a bit, Kenny wiped tears from his eye onto his hand as if he was trying to look like he hadn't just been crying as well, giving her one more pat on the back. "Of course, sweetheart."

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"Hey, now, you've gotta give me a head start, here." Kenny laughed, patting his newly stitched up stomach through his shirt. But by the time he had even said this, she had already raced out of ear shot,

Clementine was in the lead this time and she knew there was no way he could possibly catch up. She had expected the heavy coat to weigh her down, but, she managed to reach the small hunting cabin in time. Her hand came up to slap against the wooden side, their finish line, as she smiled back at Kenny who was trudging up with little A.J. in his arms.  
They had been searching this park for the past few days, passing from cabin to campground for cover with no sign of progress. But, despite this, there was a sense of confidence she felt in between the two of them. They were a team. And with Christa, they'll be an even better team.

"I thought you were supposed to be my pit crew." He huffed at the infant in his arms with a smile as he strode up to her side, making sure to place his hand on the cabin as well. Glancing at Clementine's expectant fact, he rolled his eye, tilting his head to the side before going, "Alright alright, fine, you win." Slipping off his hat, he handed it to her which she promptly took into her tiny hands.

She plopped it on over her own hat and smiled, slowly sliding the hems together until it formed some kind of singular hat. "How does it look?" She asked. Her face was brightly adorned with a smile so wide, it made her cheeks feel like they were going to fall asleep.

Cocking an eyebrow at the sight, Kenny gave off a smile to match, "Just get in the cabin." He huffed, trying to suppress a laugh.

Wrapping her fingers around the rusted doorknob, she gave it a firm push open, spilling light onto the wooden floor.

She froze.

There was a woman, laying on the floor. Her body was bound in old blankets in an attempt to keep the cold out. Every inch of her was shivering from the weather and her frame looked so tired and hungry and hurt all at the same time. She could hardly move.

But Clementine knew this woman. She knew her for so long, she could feel her heart pull her closer. Guiding her to an old friend she had lost so long ago.

"Christa!"


	5. Chapter 5

It was like someone had turned back the clock. Like he was back in that worn down diner, curled up in a booth, waiting for death to finally take him when that sweet face smiled at him and took his hand.  
Except, in this case, he wasn't much of a sweet face. And she looked a hell of a lot better than he did back then.

"Clem, give 'er some space." He motioned her away, trying to shake ghosts from the past out of his head.

"Kenny?" She sounded desperate and scared. Unsure of what's wrong with Christa. Unsure of what she could do to help. The large coat hanging off of her body just seemed to emphasize this; making her look just so little compared to everything else. It made his heart ache.

Forcing a smile, he tried to keep his calm. The last thing she needs is to see him panicking. "Now, I'm no expert, but, I think I've got this." He lowered himself so that Clementine could take the tiny infant into her arms. "You hold A.J. for me."

Just holding the baby made her seem to settle. Good. As long as she keeps her hands busy, she'll be able to handle the stress.

"And gimme back my hat." He popped it off of her head with one quick motion and gave her a snort which she couldn't help but to smile at.  
Propping Christa's head up on his knee, he brushed a hand over her cold cheek. She looked bad. Real bad. Like she had been running on nothing for a long time(not that he wasn't the same). But, she was alive and breathing and that was pretty much all that counted these days.  
"It's a lil' bad, but, she'll be okay." He didn't want to make the kid worry any more than she already did. She was already blaming herself for this and he could feel it in the way she stared at him like he had just discovered something terrible. He had to wade her away from it. "She's going to be alright, Clem."

But Clementine's mood didn't change. Not once. She knew better. "Then...why won't she wake up...?" Her voice cracked on the last word and the noise alone sank in his stomach like a stone.

It was hard to stay positive like this. Clem was a smart girl and she had seen all too much to let him get away with sugarcoating anything. "Well, hell, if you had to walk fifty miles with no food, you'd sleep for days, too."

"If I did that, I'd be dead..." She sighed, her voice growing even more bleak. But, she was all talk. He had seen this before. People gathering around loved ones and preparing for the worst by declaring them dead before they even dropped. Despite this, they still hovered around, waiting for a sign to show that they could save them. And, usually, they couldn't.  
She fidgeted, standing attention at Christa's side, with a sense of dread and hope in her eyes. Her fingers working into the blanket coating A.J.'s body, nervously rubbing the fabric.

Placing a rather gentle hand on her cap, he waggled it a bit, "Well she's not so get comfortable." He let his legs stretch out on the floor, Christa's head resting, cradled, in his hands. "But she's gonna need a lot of rest."

Clementine looked him straight in the eye, checking to see if he was being completely honest with her. After a good moment, she wavered a bit, conceding with a tiny, "....Okay." She didn't trust his diagnosis one bit. But, she was probably giving him the benefit of the doubt. Something he probably shouldn't even be allowed to have.

Resting his head back against the cold wood of the cabin, he matched her glare almost exactly, "It's going to be okay, Clem." He reassured her, again, with a firm tone.

She held A.J. close to her body and moved across the room, plopping herself down on the floor. There was no way of telling whether she was trying to remove herself from the situation for a bit or just wanted to sleep alone. Either way, at least she stopped giving him that look.

It had been so long since he last slept, he had a headache that pounded itself into his brain until it felt like it was going to fall out. It burned a pain underneath his eyelids and made his thoughts sometimes blend into an incoherent smoothie. All of this was too tiresome for his body and he felt almost paralyzed by how exhausted he had let himself get, figuring that now was any time as ever to get some rest.

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The smell of a warm, homecooked meal filled his nostrils as banter echoed over the noise of forks scraping against plates. The Ski Lodge was covered in Christmas decorations that Sarita had thrown around despite the fact that he was pretty sure it was still November and Matthew had even managed to chop firewood for the occasion. They had tried to prepare some kind of weird holiday meal consisting of a deer they had managed to pin a few days ago and whatever can of beans they had laying around.

Walter's face was round and cheerful as he took a quick stab at his meal, giving him that look that meant he was only thinking about giving another lecture. "So..." He started, "You ever think about having one of your own?"

Kenny let his fork clatter to the table. He didn't want to answer that and he could feel his face already twisting into a scowl. There went his mood, again.

A soft hand came up to brush against his arm, "Kenny, don't be rude." Sarita's voice felt like he could breathe again and just hearing it was enough to put a tight seal on whatever shitty remark he could come up with.

"I mean, you two have thought about kids, right?" Walter's smile was still cheerful despite the fact that the question had bothered them both. "The world's not going to repopulate itself and, besides, Matthew and I were thinking about raising one of our own one day."

"How the hell are you gonna manage that?" Kenny asked before getting a quick jab by Sarita's elbow under the table.

"Well...there's plenty of kids out there without parents especially now..." Matthew noted, taking a quick glance at his husband, "Kids that need a good home and a place to be safe. We've got plenty of rooms and supplies here. The sort of stuff every kid out there needs."

Walter started gesturing like he was about to give a presentation, something he did every time he got invested in a conversation(much to their dismay), "But what kids need most of all is family. And we have that here. Me and Matthew. You and Sarita."

"Now, don't get me wrong, but, you can't just pick up a kid and call 'em yours." Kenny felt the eyes staring back at him start to glare, "Sure, you can take care of one like they're yours; give 'em a place to sleep and eat. But, no one can replace a kid's parents."

"What happened to your whole 'family' ideology?" Matthew asked, noticing that this dug a little deeper than just adoption.

"Look it's just..." He could feel himself start to choke. "Callin' people your family when they're not...all you're gonna do is cause problems."

"You're right." Putting her fork back in it's place, Sarita stared down at her meal. She had a look on her face he couldn't quite recognize and it troubled him, greatly. "Problems will occur. But, being so afraid of those problems that you turn people away, especially a child...that's something I'd never even dream of."

Picking up his plate, Walter tapped his knuckles against the table's surface to catch their attention, "Well then, I guess we have the majority vote." Matthew following him behind, shortly, with the rest of the dishes in a way to escape the uncomfortable air in the room.

It wasn't long afterwards that he had to practically turn away from her, the sympathy rounding her eyes was too much and he had more than enough of it to feel guilty for a good week. "What's with the face?"

"Kenny..." She put her hand over his, her fingers brushing over his knuckles. "Where did all of that come from?" Her question was direct and sincere. She was worried.

"I've seen it before, okay? Hell, I've been through that." He remembered vowing to Lee that he and Clem were his family and the thought alone made his stomach churn, "Just picking up someone and calling them your family? It's a mistake." He then noticed the way her eyes seemed to widen at the word 'mistake' before realizing what he had just said, "Shit, I mean- not with you- you weren't- I mean..."

"I wasn't there." She stated, leaving him baffled by her vagueness.

"Huh?"

"I wasn't there when it happened, but, I am now." She looked almost determined at this point, her fingers looping between his. "We're family, Kenny. That's not a mistake. And, if this family isn't a mistake, your last one wasn't, either."

He knew she was right, immediately breaking for the truth, "I don't know if I can handle goin' through all that again."

Sarita's face didn't droop in sympathy like he had feared. She just smiled warmly at him, placing her other hand on top of theirs, "You don't have to do this alone. You know this? You have me and Matthew and Walter." She pecked a small kiss on his cheek, "You have a whole family here to help you. You won't have to do it by yourself. Okay?"

He could feel her move away from him, her hand slipping from his grasp as she stood from the table, leaving him sitting there, in the wake of her words.

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"What happened to you, honey?"

He hadn't really realized he had dozed off until he opened his eyes to a dark cabin. Christa was no longer on in his lap. Instead, she was huddled over near Clem, digging out the last few crumbs from the bottom of a can.

"I got away from that man, but, I got lost and I couldn't find you. I've been looking for you for so long, I can't believe you're here." Clementine had a smile on her face that was so big, it split from ear to ear- something he had never seen, before. His coat was hanging off of her shoulders like a cape, draping around her and A.J. who was being cradled in her lap. "I found really nice people and..." She paused for a moment, her face turning grim, "...they helped me."

After abandoning what was left of her food, Christa had her legs pulled up to her chest, her arms squeezing them close in anticipation. "Did they...?"

A small hand came up and brushed A.J.'s face, soothingly, "The others didn't....they didn't make it." With a sigh, all of the air had seemed to rush out of her all at once. "But you made it. Kenny too."

"He..." She looked almost bewildered as she aimed her forehead at him from across the room. "That's..?"

In that moment, Kenny froze in his place and scrunched his eyes shut. Hoping they didn't notice he was awake. It was childish, he knew, but he didn't want to ruin the moment. This was their time together.

She eventually stopped gesturing at him when she was met with a solemn nod. "How did he..?"

"I...don't really know." Clementine sounded about as confused as Christa was. "All he said was 'I got lucky'." After a moment, she shrugged, unsure of what that really was supposed to have meant.

"I'm just glad you're safe." She wrapped an arm around her shoulders and gave them a tight squeeze. Their heads touched and their smiles widened and there was nothing else that could draw them away from each other, again. He could almost be jealous, but he knew better, letting his eyes close, softly, to leave them in their moment.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Snow tapped against the windows of the cabin, sounding like a soft rain. This was virtually the only noise that he had to listen to for hours. Hours that lagged by with no help of sleep, of course. What else could he expect? He hadn't had a good night's rest so long, it made his brain ache like a bad hangover and he was getting really tired of keeping his eyes shut.

Christa was no better. Pacing across the floor, stopping every few minuets to look at Clementine, maybe fix her hair or adjust her coat. She hadn't once rested despite the limp in her walk and the exhaustion streaked across her face.

After her hundredth pace or so, he'd had enough of it and let out a rather fake cough, causing her to jump from just the sound, alone. "Sorry 'bout that." He apologized, fixing his hat from the back.

She shuffled over to him, slowly, giving him a look of contempt, her arms crossing around each other to express this further. "Hey."

He grunted a hello, watching her lower herself to sit on the floor. "Here, it's cold over there, you can have my old seat." Moving just enough to the left, he patted the place where he just was, invitingly.

Christa took it, albeit slowly, and let her back prop up against the wall. She turned to him with a look he couldn't recognize, but, she wasn't really looking him in the eye. Instead, she was just staring at his bandages, her mouth turned down, slightly. "How is she?"

Looking at Clementine curled up all by herself, sleeping the night away, he could feel a sense of peace wash over him. "She's been through a lot but...she'll be okay." He couldn't even bring himself to think of the kinds of things she's seen. "Sorry for returnin' her in worse condition than when I got her."

She didn't seem to be amused by his humor. "You can't just say she'll be okay. Has she been eating enough? Has she been kept warm?"

It had been ages since he'd heard questions like that. "Why don't you just ask her?"

"She won't tell me anything." Her face twisted into a frown, not unlike the one she held a moment earlier. "I mean, she talked to me, but, she doesn't really say anything about herself. It's so hard to get anything out of her, these days."

This was something he had never noticed before, but, it was true. Clem really didn't say much about herself and, when she did, she kept it short and usually vague unless she absolutely couldn't. He hadn't really noticed a lot about that kid...

Christa seemed preoccupied by her own thoughts, as well. Tapping her fingernails against the floor as she collected them. "...Did you two manage to reach Wellington?"

"Yeah, but uh..." Being caught off guard by the question, he stuttered. He had never considered that he would actually have to explain what had happened to anyone. Especially not her. "Wellington's..."

"Full. I know." Her eyes narrowed a bit at the thought, "But..we have to wait for them to finish expanding. It's the only chance we have. The only chance she has..."

"She's had her chance."

"What?" She motioned towards him, her body stiffening in disbelief.

"They...they were going to take her. Take A.J. too...but...she didn't want that." He didn't understand it. He couldn't understand it. Clementine had a chance at safety, at a normal life. She could be playing with other kids. She could be spending her days with a warm meal in her stomach surrounded by people who knew how to be parents. She could've been better off than this.

"Why would she do that?" Christa's eyes widened, a look of unceasing panic spread across her face. It fit so well into the lines around her eyes and mouth that he could tell this was probably a constant for her.

"Hell if I know." He remembered the tears that welled up in those big eyes of hers as she refused to leave and could feel himself fall into a sense of shame for all those times he tried to make her go back. "If you ask me, I think she should've went, but, she's a good kid, y'know? She knows what she's doin'." In the end, he trusted her. He trusted her a shitton more than he trusted himself.

Christa's face contorted in a way that made her look hurt- almost injured by what he said. She looked at him and he could see this sadness filling up her soul. "You know...I always thought you were too unstable to be around her..." Her words grated against his skull. "But, look at her. She's making these big choices. She's even smiling again..." There was something in her voice that diminished her words, making them small and almost unintelligible into something of a soft mumble. "We were together for so long, and I...I couldn't do that."

"She didn't smile that much until we found you." Hell, he's pretty sure he's made her cry more times than anything. "She's just not a smilin' kid is all."

Her eyes seemed to light up at the thought, "You think so? Or....are you just saying that to make me feel better?" She bit her lip in doubt and began chewing at it.

The dark circles under her eyes matched his own and he wondered if she felt something similar to the sleep-starved migraine that was currently eating away at his brain. The least he could do for her, now, was be kind to her; which doesn't sound like much, but, for him, it was quite a feat. "Nah, if I was gonna lie, it'd be about something better than that." He felt a smile tug at his wrinkles as he leaned over, touching his hand to the back of her head. He remembered what Clem had told him; that thing about how her mom used to help her sleep at night, and started to run his fingers through her hair, getting them caught in tangles that he tried to smooth out.

"What are you doing?" She sounded defensive, putting a hand directly on top of her head to ward him off.

"I just- uh.." He hadn't even realized how weird the gesture was until he saw the confused look on her face. "You see, Clem showed me this thing I- ah fuck it." He didn't even feel like trying to explain.

Her eyebrows curved together as she reached behind her head, letting her hair down to try to fix it. "Clementine, she would sometimes play with my hair to help me sleep at night." She sounded almost nostalgic as she fumbled with the hairband in her fingers. "I didn't sleep much and, even though I never told her, I think she always knew." Her arms seemed to grow tired and, after her third attempt to tie her hair up, she had to let them rest. "She's pretty good at figuring these things out."

Clementine had been with him for so long and he had barely even asked her about her time with Christa. He hadn't even considered what they had been through. He was too caught up in what they were going to do next and how they were going to make it to tomorrow that he didn't even stop to ask her even simple questions like what they did over that year or what it was like. Great. He had to go and fuck up there, too.  
Pointing to the hairband in Christa's fingers, he swallowed down the guilt broiling in his gut, "You need some help with that?" He offered.

Christa didn't trust him and he knew it. She gave him an uninviting look, acting practically defeated as she admitted she really did need his help. "Yeah." Almost embarrassed, her entire face turned away to look at her hands, fumbling with the small tie. "Just don't rip my hair out."

"I'm sure I can manage." He smiled, kneeling behind her on one knee. Scrubbing his fingers through her hair, he let it fall down at her shoulders and started trying to get the tangles out with his good hand. It didn't take him long before Christa was hissing in pain and he realized he was very, very, bad at this.

"As soon as we get the chance, we're heading for Wellington." Her statement was so firm, he could feel himself getting knocked back by it. "When they're finished expanding, we can get in. That's what's best for Clementine. She...She shouldn't have to live like this." She let in a sharp gasp. "There's people out there. Horrible people who just want to hurt you and she's had enough of that." She gestured over to Clementine, as she wiped her nose on her sleeve. "I mean look at her. That baby's covered in cuts and scars that no child should have."

"She was in pretty damn good condition when I found her. Not so much on return, though." Kenny gathered her hair up in his hands and tried to tie it up but his hand started to give him trouble. The burns and blisters covering the skin of his palm burned like he had just stuck it in fire. He looked at the ugly form it made on his skin, thinking about how he got it and why.  
"She's better off with you." His voice felt like it wasn't coming out right. Like it was foggy and unclear. Caught in his throat like a bad cough.

"After what happened with Omid and the baby I..." Every inch of her body seemed to fidget at the thought, "...I don't think I can do anything for her." She swiped away tears with her hands as her breath began to shake. "Sorry I shouldn't be like this."

Halfheartedly pushing her hair into the tie, he found himself unable to comfort her other than saying useless words like, "No, you're fine." and "Don't worry about it." Offering a small pat on her back. Things he knew wouldn't do anything than make her feel like she's being pitied.

And she did; pulling away from him almost immediately. But she did it in such a gentle manner, as if she was excusing him rather than pushing him off. Reaching behind her head, she touched her ponytail and smiled warmly, "Thank you." She caught the tears leaking from her eyes, rubbing them out with her finger tips and swiping each one off of her face. "I'll be alright,"  
Christa was still trying to maintain some kind of manner despite the fact that she was exhausted and upset and just generally felt like shit. She was doing this for his own benefit, trying to show some sort of kindness towards him even though he knew she wasn't exactly fond of him. It felt nice. "I think I'll be going to bed now." She knocked on the wooden floor twice before standing to join Clementine across the room, leaving Kenny to himself for the remainder of the night.

\------------------------

It wasn't long before she was asleep.

Kenny's heart raced in his chest as his brain thought out his plan, his future- as short as it will be- and he knew what he had to do. He knew his job was done. Clementine was safe and back with Christa where she belongs. A.J. would be in good hands. It was better than him. Hell, a pack of wolves would be better than him. He just...wasn't fit to be a parent anymore. He thought he could do this, before. When Sarita was still there, he had enough strength to keep him pulling forward and he thought that would've been enough for Clem. But it wasn't and he knew that. And, now, it's just gotten worse. Too much has happened and all he's doing is making things more difficult.  
He had to do what was best for them.

Kissing the bill of her hat, Kenny could feel himself want to scoop Clementine up in his arms and hug her tightly. To thank her for all that she's done. But he knew he couldn't and it hurt. Touching an index finger to A.J.'s head, he watched as the infant readjusted himself in his sleep. Taking off his hat, he placed it next to them as a quiet goodbye as he stood and quietly slipped out into the cold winter night.


End file.
